Michael Jackson's memorial

I have spent the last several hours watching the Michael Jackson memorial and the continueing coverage from in and around the Staples center where the public memorial was held as well as elsewhere like Forrest Lawn where a private service was held before the public service and the journey of the herse and the rest of the motorcade from the little chapel at the cemetary to the Staples center and now all the reactions and wonderings of where and when MJ will be buried.

I cried several times during the memorial service. It was filled with
touching stories and really moving performances. When the song Will
You Be There?" started the tears really started flowing. Jennifer Hudson sang it but the spoken part at the end was the hardest to hear
because it was Michael Jackson's own recording of it with his voice breaking with sorrow as he spoke those words and on a big screen above the stage they showed each line with a star field background as he spoke it.

Another time that made me cry was when MJ's brother Jermaine got up there and sang another song I've always loved and was one of MJ's
favorite songs, a Charlie Chaplin song called "Smile". How difficult it must have been to sing at his brother's funeral. The lyrics of that song include:

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Jermaine obviously had a difficult time with it and when he was finished singing it was clear he was crying as he hugged his siblings in the front row.

Usher also cried when he sang "Gone Too Soon" standing next to the gold casket that sat on the lower level right in front of the stage.

After "We Are The World" and "Heal The World" were performed by a stage full of people including a bunch of children and close friends and family a couple members of the family spoke including Jermaine and Marlon and then Michael Jackson's young daughter, Paris, spoke and I totally lost it. She spoke through tears "I just want to say...ever since I was born daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine...and I just wanted to say I love him...so much" I can't see how anyone could NOT be moved by that little girl speaking of her loving father who she's just lost.

The thought of losing my mom, who is my sole parent just as MJ was the only parent his three kids knew, is just....I just don't know how I
could handle that even as an adult let alone as a child. I think she was very brave to speak to the world as she did. Was the most memorable moment of ALL of the Michael Jackson coverage since his sudden death on June 25, 2009. My heart and prayers go out to the entire Jackson family. The world has lost an icon but the Jackson's have lost their son, their brother, and their father.

There were many other important parts of today's memorial such as how all the pall bearers wore a single sequened glove. Smokey Robinson spoke about MJ as a child. Magic Johnson shared a story about sitting on the floor enjoying a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken with Michael Jackson. Brooke Shields had a hard time holding back tears as she spoke of being friends with Michael Jackson since they were just little kids. I believe is was Marlon who asked Michael to give their brother, his twin, a hug. There were lots of clips of highlights from Michael Jackson's life. He was spoken of as more than just the king of pop, but the greatest entertainer of all time.

Many many mean things have been said of him over the years and even since he's died but I don't want to hear about those things. He seemed to truly believe he was innocent of ever hurting a child in anyway and I truly believe that in his mind he never did hurt a child and that at least most of the accusations were schemes to get money and fame. And no matter what he may or may not have done that is or could be considered wrong or bad I think we should remember him for his amazing talents. He was one of the best performers this world has ever known. He was an amazing writer, dancer, singer, and humanitarian. People rarely talk about how much he helped many many charities and how thankful he was to all those who have made sacrifices to improve others lives. His album Thriller has still never been out sold and I honestly doubt it ever will due in part to the changing way music is obtained and also due to his extreme talents. He was a superstar all around the world long before we had the internet to spread the word.

It is the end of an era. In a way many people, including myself, have had part of their childhood pass away with this man. He was unique.
He was "weird" but how can anything else be expected if you look at his life?

"Wasn't nothing strange about your daddy. It was strange what your daddy had to deal with" -Al Sharpton

He became famous when he was barely old enough to attend school. His life was so different from the rest of the world yet he managed to make millions of people feel connected to him.

But even though the man is gone his music, his videos, his legacy will
live on. I wish I could afford to donate money to the causes he helped
or at least find some way to help people in some way as he has helped
so many in so many ways. He is an inspiration. His music is part of my life's soundtrack as it is to many many people all over the world.

I know I've rambled on about Michael Jackson a lot on my blog since his death but for some reason his death has touched me in ways I ever even imagined a celebrities death could. This is my blog and therefore I can say anything I want. This is a place I can ramble as much as I want or need to so that is what I've done and probably will do many times again about whatever happens to be on my mind at the time.

Will You Be There?

Hold Me
Like The River Jordan
And I Will Then Say To Thee
You Are My Friend

Carry Me
Like You Are My Brother
Love Me Like A Mother
Will You Be There?

When weary
Tell Me Will You Hold Me
When Wrong, Will You Scold Me
When Lost Will You Find Me?

But They Told Me
A Man Should Be Faithful
And Walk When Not Able
And Fight Till The End
But I'm Only Human

Everyone's Taking Control Of Me
Seems That The World's
Got A Role For Me
I'm So Confused
Will You Show It To Me
You'll Be There For Me
And Care Enough To Bear Me

(Hold Me) Show me
(Lay Your Head Lowly) Told me
(Softly Then Boldly) Yeah
(Carry Me There) I'm only human

(Lead Me) Hold me
(Love Me And Feed Me) Yeeaah
(Kiss Me And Free Me) Yeah
(I Will Feel Blessed) I'm only human

(Carry) Carry
(Carry Me Boldly) Carry
(Lift Me Up Slowly) Yeah
(Carry Me There) I'm only human

(Save Me) Need me
(Heal Me And Bathe Me) Lift me up lift me up
(Softly You Say To Me)
(I Will Be There) I will be there

(Lift Me) Lonely
(Lift Me Up Slowly)
(Carry Me Boldly) Yeah
(Show Me You Care) Will you be there?

(Hold Me) Woo!
(Lay Your Head Lowly) I get lonely sometimes
(Softly Then Boldly) I get lonely yeah yeah
(Carry Me There) Will you be there?

(Need Me) Woo!
(Love Me And Feed Me) Lift me up pull me up
(Kiss Me And Free Me) Lift me up sometime oh some time
(I Will Feel Blessed) Blessed

[Spoken]
In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tribulations
Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
I'll Never Let You Part
For You're Always In My Heart.

He had the talent to express himself in ways I never will. In ways most people can't. I have always loved this song, related to this song, and related to him through this song. Right now though I cannot listen to it without seeing his body being taken to that helicopter and lifted into it and then flown away. I don't know if I'll ever be able to hear this song again without picturing that and feeling despair for all those who loved him and for him and all that he went through in his troubled life.

The Dance

Consciousness expresses itself through creation. This world we live in is the dance of the creator. Dancers come and go in the twinkling of an eye but the dance lives on. On many an occassion when I am dancing, I have felt touched by something sacred. In those moment,s I felt my spirit soar and become one with everything that exists.
I become the stars and the moon. I become the lover and the beloved. I become the victor and the vanquished. I become the master and the slave. I become the singer and the song. I become the knower and the known. I keep on dancing and then it is the eternal dance of creation. The creater and creation merge into one wholeness of joy. I keep on dancing...and dancing...and dancing, until there is only...the dance.

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Now playing: Michael Jackson - Will You Be There
via FoxyTunes

Rambling about how MJ passing sent my brain into a whirl

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Now playing: Dave Matthews Band - Bartender
via FoxyTunes Two very famous people died today. Farrah Faucet died this morning but everyone knew it was coming. The real shocker came this afternoon.

Today was thursday which meant I had to go to the music group at the mental health clinic. I woke up later than I'd intended...kept hitting snooze and got up with barely enough time to rush around getting ready and got to group just barely on time. I had not seen any news or anything and had no idea Farrah Faucet had passed or anything going on.

When I left the clinic I was listening to songs on my ipod through my
car speakers so didn't hear anything on the radio. At grandma's house the twins were watching cartoons but when mom got home a short while after I got there the kids went outside to play and mom turned the channel and all the channels were breaking news. I was at the back door seeing what the twins were wanting to show me when my mom said "Michael Jackson died!" and I didn't believe her. It couldn't be true he was just on tv not long ago talking about the concerts he was going to be doing in July that were all sold out almost immediatly in London.

But sure enough every channel was Breaking news "Michael Jackson dead at 50" and we watched in shock as they showed all the people gathering outside of UCLA medical center where he had been taken by ambulence as well as all the people gathering outside the home he was renting nearby there. We watched as they took his body wrapped in white linens into a green helicopter and flew it to the coroners office at USC. It's fitting that he flew away in green just like Peter Pan. The tv has been continually about the death of the King of Pop with brief mentions of the loss of Farah Faucet from time to time. The radio has been playing his music throughout the day as well. When I got in my car to run to the library to print the email about the Warped Tour VIP passes I won the first thing I heard was an old Jackson 5 song followed by one of Michael Jackson's solo hits and brief talk between songs about the loss of an icon.

I feel shocked. Have felt a weird shocked anxious feeling all day since I heard my mom say Michael Jackson was dead. It's weird. I've never met this man, never even been anywhere near him. I've seen him on tv many times, have a few of his cds, remember watching his 3D show at Disneyland as a kid "captain EO" and seeing and hearing about this man my entire life. He was an AMAZING dancer, songwriter and singer.

He has had several scandals and such. He was often described as "ecentric" or much worse but no one could ever deny his talent as a musical artist.

The news has reported that just last night he was at the Staples center rehearsing for his upcoming concert and there was no sign of anything being wrong. Today at 12:21 in the afternoon though 911 received a call from Michael Jackson's home and around 3pm today the news was spreading all over the internet, the television, and the radio about his death. The thought that this man was only 2 years older than my mom and is now suddenly dead. Gone from this world with no warning. A man who was physically fit enough to do amazing dances even in heavy costumes is suddenly dead from what is being reported as "cardiac arrest" or "in a coma" is so weird. Scary. He was an icon. How can he just be gone like that? And if he could die with no warning so could ANYONE. There may have been things going on that the public didn't know about, actually I'm sure there was. The sherrifs office have been at his home all afternoon and evening investigating his death and there were reports of prescriptions bottles found near his body when paramedics arrived but still no one's health is perfect and he was just rehearsing less than a day before he died and no one knew that'd be the LAST time he'd ever dance. It's just making me think about how quickly someone can just be gone and gone forever. I never thought
Michael Jackson would be gone. At least not until he was old and out of the spotlight for years and years. He's got 3 children and the oldest is only about 12. No one has spoken of where his children are
now or were this afternoon as their father died. They were always with their father. He had 100% custody and their mothers were not really in the kids life so where does that leave these kids now? They've lost the most important person in their life how do they face that? I don't know how I'd deal if something happened to my mom. And what about Michael's mother? How do you deal with the loss of your own child? Especially a mother. She carried him inside her body for like 9 months. And now he's gone and she'll never see him in this life again. And all the media surrounding their home and wanting to know what she's thinking and doing....she's just lost her son. She is grieving. What is going to happen to her grandchildren? I know people are curious. I'm curious. I know people want to show the family and Michael that they care and loved him, even idolized him but the family needs to be left alone. Let them deal with this incredible loss they don't need any extra pressure put on them. Losing someone you love is never an easy thing. The paparazzi can only make it harder on them.

I just keep thinking about how sudden this was and how anyone even
someone close to me could be gone just as quick with no warning. It
scares me so much. My mom grew up watching the Jackson's grow up right along with her. If someone who has plenty of money for doctors, securtiy etc be gone just like that so can my family who has barely enough money to pay the bills. My mom and sister and brother don't even have any insurance so don't have any regular medical care. Just the thought that something could take away someone I love scares the crap out of me. I try not to think about stuff like that. My grandma is 80 years old and not very active. She's much closer to the end of her life than the beginning but how could I ever go on if she was gone or my mom was gone or any of my siblings? My eyes fill with tears just thinking about it.

Tomorrow morning me and Dillon will be going to the first show of the 2009 Warped tour. I won 2 VIP tickets with side of stage passes for any one band of our choice. I plan to leave here around 9am to go pick him up so we can get to the fair grounds and in line at the Will Call window to contact the person who I've been instructed to contact to get our passes. I went to the library this afternoon to print the email so I have the info with me.

On tuesday I received a phone call telling me about this win and the
lady then sent me an email with the information. The email I got was this:

Hi Jennelle!


Congratulations again on winning a pair of tickets, two VIP passes, and side stage access to the band of your choice for the Warped Tour 2009 VIP Sweepstakes! Your tickets are for the June 26th, 2009 concert in Pomona, CA at the Pomona Fairplex! You will be able to claim your tickets the day of the show at Will Call under your name. Please be sure to bring a valid photo ID when picking them up. The tickets are NON-TRANSFERABLE.

Also, please keep in mind that the line up and set-times for each festival date varies, and is decided the morning of. Try to get there early to avoid missing your favorite band! Check the list of bands that will be performing on June 26th by clicking on the following link – Warped Tour Dates.

Followed by a paragraph giving me the name of who to contact when we arrive as well as another name and phone number and email to contact if we have any questions before hand. And closed with:

We hope you have a great time!



Best,

Laurel

I wish this anxious/sad/shocked feeling would go away. I've never had the death of a celebrity effect me so strongly. The few loved ones
I've lost did not effect me this way because I was just a child. I don't really remember exactly how I felt when they died. I think this is effecting me more because of how unexptected it was than who it was, but MJ was someone who has been part of my life in some way for my entire life. His death is the end of an era. My mom talking about seeing him on tv as a kid makes me remember that my mom is only 2 years younger than this man was. 2 years is nothing. Two years ago my life was pretty much just like it is now. Not a whole lot has really changed in 2 years. When you're a kid 2 Years is an eternity but as an adult its just a short while ago. Like its been NINE years since I graduated high school but it feels like it could have been just months ago when I was in high school, seeing Marcie every day, spending most afternoons and evenings over at the theater or in the drama room getting ready for the next show that was always right around the corner.


Many celebrietties have have made statements today about the losses of Farrah Faucent and even more so of Michael Jackson. John Mayer, Darren Hayes, Madonna, Ellen Degeneres, and many many many others have all posted to twitter and other places how shocking and devestating the news has been today. Today has been a very sad day for the world.

Today will be looked back on years from now. Just like when Elvis
died, Lennon died, Kennedy died, etc etc and 9/11 people will ask
"where were you when you heard?" or "what were you doing when you found out?"

Its weird that I picked up a book I found in a box written in like 1983
about Michael Jackson just day before yesterday and have read a few
chapters just last night and this morning then this afternoon he's gone. In group today the song I picked to play was "The Great Big
Disconnect" by Darren Hayes which looking back at all the world news coverage today is a weird coincidence. The news talked almost exclusively about MJ today with the occasional "To learn about the rest of today's news go to our website...". That's EXACTLY what Darren Hayes is talking about in the song. Celebrity's are talked about extensively while all other news is like an afterthought, a "by the way" type thing. Just amazes me the priorities of this world.


Some messages I've seen today online about this sad day:

@darrenhayes I wrote a few words about how I feel about Michael. http://bit.ly/hy9XT

@alyankovic Oh man. Can't believe it. RIP Michael Jackson.

@modlifeinc http://twitpic.com/8fupq - Our hearts goes out to the Jackson's family. RIP Michael you were a good man!

@taylorswift13 It just doesn't feel real.. Everyone is walking around
backstage saying "Have you heard?".

@coldplay MJ was the best of the best. His music and performances made the world a brighter place. His light will shine on forever. Coldplay

@johncmayer

Dazed in the studio. A major strand of our cultural DNA has left us. RIP MJ.

I think we'll mourn his loss as well as the loss of ourselves as children listening to Thriller on the record player.


I truly hope he is memorialized as the '83 moonwalking, MTV owning, mesmerizing, unstoppable, invincible Michael Jackson.

All you need is love, love! Love is all you nee(love is all you need!) love is all you nee(love is all you)rocking on studio with MJ love.

Michael Jackson, like James Brown and Prince, are nearly uncoverable. The tunes were about his innate talent and can't really be replicated.

@TheEllenShow So sad to hear about Michael Jackson. His music changed our lives. The world has lost an amazing singer and dancer. I will miss him.

Deepak_ChopraA Tribute to My Friend, Michael Jackson http://bit.ly/tYis4

There are many many other statements out there but these are the ones I've paid attention to.


Rest In Peace Ed McMahon, Farrah Faucet and Michael Jackson and I know the Lord is with their families in these tough times.

I will remember MJ most for Captain Eo and Thriller. Amazing work. I always think of Captain EO when I see the building next to Space Mountain that is now Honey I Shunk The Audience but used to be Captain Eo's home.

Someone has already put a song out in tribute to MJ...

Danielle graduated college, and I have a dentist appointment

I haven't done anything the last couple of days. I was up for like 35+ hours or so Friday/Saturday and went to Danielle's college graduation. We were sitting in the sun for a few hours and I forgot to wear a hat. I had a bad headache all day. After the graduation Sergio and Brianna met us at an Italian resturant. There were nine of us total at the resturant. Danielle, her mom, her grandma, John, Marcie, Eddie, Goofio, Brianna, and myself.

I found out on thursday when I went to radio shack that the headphones I've bought for years from them are no longer being made/sold by radioshack and I haven't been able to find any like them. They are the kind that goes on the ears, not in and not around. They have a plastic piece that goes over the top of the head. They also have a volume control on the cord and the cord is like 16ft long.

I have a dentist appointment today and should try to get some sleep before then. My appointment is at 2pm and its already after 8am.

We are smug

I really need to start blogging more often. It's not like I've been doing much else. This week has been pretty busy though. My mom finally got the storage unit cleaned out. I have several boxes cluttering up my livingroom and bedroom now from it. She's got tons of boxes on the concrete in their back yard to do something with. Mom got hired for a job in a grocery store meat department. I spent all day thursday at their house because I took kids to school and picked kids up from school while she went to an orientation thing.

Today I am going to Danielle's graduation from the University of La Verne. I am meeting Marcie at Danielee's house by 2:30pm. I should have been asleep hours ago. Kylee got me to give her $5 for a car wash fundraiser she's doing with the choir at Citrus and its from 8am-1pm so I gotta get over there before one and its already a quarter til 8am and I haven't slept. I've got a headache but at this point I'm not sure I can sleep and be able to get up in time to do the car wash and the graduation. I've been working on a list all night.

I dont' think I've posted about We Are Smug yet. Darren Hayes and his writing partner released an album as "We Are Smug" and put it online for free download. It can be downloaded here and listened to here. My favorite song on the album is the last one, "The Pressure". I've yet to get any written lyrics though.
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Now playing: We Are Smug - HOT TUB BLUES
via FoxyTunes

not much as usual

I haven't been doing much of anything lately besides sleeping and playing a silly game called Egg Breaker on facebook. It's a pretty simple game to play. You get so many hammers a day and break eggs to find prizes and gold and there are a few ways to get more hammers. It's addicting.


I haven't done Wii Fit in way too long and really should do it again, and start doing it every day like I was. I'm a big lump on the couch and good for nothing. Useless. Hopeless.

My apartment is a mess. It's never really clean though. Just ask my mom. She'll tell you what a lazy slob I am. She's right. I am discusting.

We were supposed to go work on cleaning out mom's storage on saturday but the twins father messed that up by playing one of his games wso mom's day was waisted waiting for him to show up to pick up the twins.

The only thing I've won from sweepstakes recently is an Exerget Temporal Scanner. It's a thermometer you run across your forehead. I'm giving it to mom for the twins since the thermometer they have is old and takes forever.

Lost my layout

I screwed up my blogger layout and lost all my buttons and links and such. I'm sorry to those I had buttons for and don't have them anymore. I thought I had a backup but apparently I don't. Will be working on getting a better layout soon. Anyone I had a link to and don't now if you let me know I will replace it asap.

Now any of the layouts besides the ones blogger provides won't work at all.

First week of April

It's April. I hate April. I started my period March 31st. So the month starts off even worse than most Aprils.

On April first I went and paid my rent and got a check from my landlord to pay for the installation of the phone jack. Then I went to walmart. I spent way too much money. I got some snacks and flavored water and pads and some lightbublbs, and a game to put up to give to Danielle as a birthday gift and 2 pairs of slippers and a pack of batteries for mom and a bunch of dog food.

I did WiiFit on the first and the second after not doing it for a couple weeks. Surprisingly my weight was actually down a few pounds.

On the second I didn't do much of anything. I stayed in bed most of the day. I got dressed and went and got the mail. All I got was ads though and a coupon for a free kashi frozen dinner I'd ordered.

I'm 28 years old now. Blah. I never wanted to be alive this long. I spent my birthday at Disneyland though and got to meet someone from the Disneyland email group I'm on. I also got to meet a couple of other people including a cast member who moderates the email group. I spent the first few hours alone and most of it I spent in DCA (Disney's Construction Adventure!) riding Toy Story Midway Mania. When Dillon got out of school mom drove him down there and we spent the rest of the day there until almost closing. I bought a grey hoodie sweatshirt with my birthday gift card and still have some money left on the card. Me and Dillon went to Denny's afterwards.

On Saturday I went over to grandma's house. She made banana pudding eventually and gave me $25. When mom got home from easter shopping she gave me a birthday card with $40 in it. I ate way too much pudding.

Sunday was a busy day too. Marcie and her boyfriend Eddie and her mom came over in the early afternoon. They brought gifts. Marcie's mom brought me a Hoops and Yoyo talking card with $10 in it and a package of sugar free peeps (which I ate immediately!). Marcie gave me 3 packages. The bottom one was a box of Oreo thin crisps 100 calorie packs. The middle one was a package of Garfield envelopes. The smallest one was a cube maze with stuff in the middle. To open it one must get the metal ball through the plastic maze. I gave marcie this maze a couple of years ago for her birthday and it took her several months to get it open. Payback is a bitch aint it? haha. Marcie did manage to get my vcr/dvd player hooked back up and didn't mess anything else up.

While they were still here Danielle called and that evening her and John came over. They ordered pizza and we read fmylife.com and went to Starbucks and then played wii fit. Danielle and John both worked on the maze and were ready to throw it too.

Last night though I had the maze sitting on my couch and when I reached for something on the floor it fell off of the couch and came open! Inside it was a peppermint chapstick, a Garfield and Odie magnet, a $10 bill, and a $25 Amazon.com gift certificate! Very cool!

On monday we had my car towed to Dyson because it has a puddle under it of some fluid leaking. I had John check the oil while he was here and he said it was empty. The mechanic told us not to drive it so I had to pay $55 for it to be towed. The mechanic had the car all day and says there is no leak and all the fluids are full. He even claimed that I had TOO MUCH oil which and that he had added no fluids at all. It is impossible that there was too much oil because the last time oil was put in the car that mechanic was the one to do it! It's so frustrating. I feel taken. I looked the company up online on the Better Business bureau and they have a C-. Not exactly the most impressive grade.

On tuesday I had a pdoc appointment but just stayed in bed the entire day instead. When I picked up my car late monday I ran by staples on the way home to buy a plastic id holder thingy to keep my Disneyland pass in since the one I bought at the park in January broke on this last trip. I'd asked the cast members inside the store I boought it in what I could get that would last longer and they suggested I get the kind they use for their id cards and that they bought them at Staples. I got a 10 pack for a little over $4.

When I got home I went to bed. This was about 6:30pm. I stayed there in bed until after 5pm on Tuesday. I just couldn't deal with anything. I don't know how to face all the shit that life brings up. I just can't deal. If I'd had candles to blow out for my birthday it would have been "I wish the world would end/I wish I could die already." I am useless, hopeless, good for nothing.

leaving soon to pick up car

I've had a migraine for like a week. Also haven't had a car in a week and a half. Blown head gasket and something having to do with a hose as well. I'm supposed to get it back this morning.

I realized today that I don't think I've seen another person since a week ago wednesday. I've been alone in my apartment since then. I went outside today (well technically yesterday) and took out the trash and went to the mail box.

It's like 10am now on saturday and my headache is not as bad today and I've been able to work on a list and enter a bunch of sweeps.

It's almost 11am. Mom called half an hour or so ago and said they'd be here in a little while. I'm almost ready to go.

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Now playing: Trace Adkins - Then They Do
via FoxyTunes

stuff thats been sitting on my computer for like weeks...

On friday night me and Dillon met Marcie and her boyfriend Eddie at Dillon's high school to see the play Harvey that Kylee was working backstage for and her girlfriend was in. Eddie had never seen a high school play or Harvey. Me and Marcie were house managers for Harvey our senior year of high school and have had a running joke about that pooka ever since. Everyone went to Norm's restuarant afterwards which was very busy. Kylee sat with her friends from the play and Dillon, me, Marcie, and Eddie sat in a booth. I ordered french toast and eggs (at Marcie's request because she enjoys watching me eat eggs). I ate both fried eggs and one piece of the french toast and felt full. By the time we left my stomach was killing me and kept getting worse and I had to use my mom's bathroom when I got to their house to drop off Kylee and Dillon. I had a stomach ache the rest of the night/morning.


Wednesday
I started a blog a week and a half ago and have written since but my POS computer didn't save my changes several times. On the Sunday after that Sergio, John, and Danielle came over. We went to Olive Garden and Sergio paid. I can't afford stuff like that. Then they figured out how to get my Wii working but not my dvd player. They said I need another wire or something.


Saturday
It's mom's birthday. My car is at the mechanics though so I can't go over there unless she comes and picks me up. She has the pick the twins up and then she is going down to Disneyland alone to get her birthday gift card and buying herself a sweatjacket. I'm glad she's spending the money on something for herself. She always puts everyone else first.

My car is in the shop and is going to cost over a thousand dollars to fix. It's got a few things wrong with it but the expensive part is a blown head gasket. They said to fix it most of the engine has to be taken out to even get to it.


Sunday
It's almost 7am. My internet has been down for pretty much the whole night. I'm lonely and urgy and hurting. My back has been killing me the last couple days. Not sure why though.